airport thoughts.

As I sit in the Sao Paulo airport waiting for a delayed flight to Rio, I want to take some time to get down some thoughts I've been ruminating on the past several days.

A trip of this magnitude is wont to bring about fear. With so much uncertainty every step along the way and the bag on my back as my only constant companion, there is an intentional rebuke of the comfort brought about by stability and convenience. I've set myself on an adventure of my own devising and no matter how much I try to plan or attempt to control variables, a trip like this forces one to embrace a mindset of acceptance. Whatever will come is not good or bad - it simply IS, and thus it is an integral part of the experience.

But it's so easy to tell yourself that. And no matter how much I remind myself to maintain an open, optimistic and accepting outlook during my journey, there's no escaping the fears that have taken the form of a nagging parrot on my shoulder. How can I escape the reality that I'm technically jobless, technically homeless and have intentionally detached myself from the community I loved? I worry about money a lot. I worry about my few possessions a great deal. My initial view of the people around me is one of defensiveness, provoked by an intense need for self-preservation.

I'm trying to worry less. It's only been a week - I still have more than five months left in the journey. I'm hoping that the worries will slowly dissipate as I become more and more used to the idea of change.

It's funny - when we are alone and our fears or negative thoughts cloud our minds, the only refuge we have is our own inward motivation. Similar to the way a religious individual maintains faith in their deity, so must I maintain faith in my surroundings and my ability to handle whatever may come. Taking a step into the unknown can result in a muddy shoe but at least I took the step. And it's during times of fear, anxiety, uncertainty, self-doubt and loneliness that I work inwardly to embolden my faith. I am strong. I am loved. I am here now. Make the most of it.

An adventure doesn't always bring about breathtaking novelty, mind-blowing beauty and relentless elation. Those are just the thoughts that comprise my dreams. The reality is there's a shitton of downtime, there's severe communication breakdowns, there's mind-numbing delays and there's mornings where a lack of motivation and a desire to preserve my funds results in me passing the time indoors in isolation.

But I didn't just want the dreams. I wanted the messy underbelly of reality. I wanted to be slapped in the face constantly and reminded of just how fucking beautiful the life I lead is and how I should never, ever, ever take one friendship or one aspect of this life for granted. I wanted to grow and real growth takes time. It takes struggle. It takes balls.

So whatever you're doing today and whatever large lifeclouds lay ahead of you, take a moment to gather yourself. Take a moment to look around you at the beauty. Then just go crush it, man. The only thing holding you back is yourself. If your doubt becomes debilitating, throw yourself to the fire and be amazed at how strong of a person you are once you're forced to tackle adversity face-to-face.